By Neil Barrow

Think about someone you had a great first meeting with about a year ago. A coffee, a lunch, a conversation at an event that felt like a start to a good connection. Where does that relationship stand today?

If you’re like most professionals, the honest answer is nowhere.

It’s not because the connection wasn’t good. You probably sent the follow-up email. “Great meeting you, let’s stay in touch.” They replied with something similar. And that was the last time you talked.

That email felt like follow-up, but the follow up is what happens during the next year. You used to be pretty good at this, but now that you have a network, it’s a lot tougher to manage.

This is the most common breakdown in business development, and it’s not where people think it is. Professionals are pretty good at the first touch after a meeting. The thank-you note goes out. The article gets sent. The introduction gets made.

Where things fall apart is being intentional about your network. The stuff that turns one good conversation into an actual relationship. Because once you stack up a bunch of those with a flurry of business development (BD) meetings, we forget. And it’s also hard to know exactly what that should look like if you don’t have a reason to reach out.

Following up and keeping in touch are two different things. Following up closes the loop on a meeting. Keeping in touch keeps a person in your orbit. Almost everyone does the first. A lot tougher to do the second with purpose.

I was meeting with a partner at a firm last year that highlights this. He told me that earlier in his career, he knew every one of his clients’ bankers and attorneys. He had lunch with them. He referred work to them. They sent work back. Then COVID hit, the habits broke, and he never rebuilt them.

That’s what relationship drift looks like. And again, it’s not a bad thing, it’s just why we need to be a little more intentional with our relationship development habits.

So how do you fix it? The answer isn’t to stay in touch with everyone. That’s the mistake most people make when they get motivated about this. (And also the difference between BD and marketing.) They leave a conference with 30 new contacts and commit to nurturing all of them, which lasts about three weeks before you get busy with client work.

You can’t keep up with everyone. You shouldn’t try. The real skill is deciding who earns a spot on your list.

After a good first meeting, ask yourself three questions. Do I genuinely like this person? Do we serve the same kinds of clients or run in the same circles? Can and will we make introductions for each other?

If the answer is yes across the board, they go on our list. If not, the thank-you email was the right stopping point. A warm wrap to a meeting is a perfectly good outcome for most first meetings, and giving yourself permission to not grow every relationship is what makes room for the ones that matter.

For most professionals, that list is somewhere between 10 and 25 people. These are your most productive referral relationships and a handful of people who are genuinely interested in wanting you to succeed.

Once you know who’s on the list, the rest is the action.

Decide how often each person should hear from you. Your top referral sources might be monthly or every other month. Most of the list is quarterly, and quarterly is plenty. Four meaningful touches a year keeps the relationship going.

Then put it on the calendar. This is the part people resist because it feels mechanical, and I understand the hesitation. But relying on memory is how you got here. The reminder isn’t the relationship; it’s just what makes sure the relationship gets your attention before you wake up and a year has gone by.

When the reminder pops up, the touch can be simple. Forward something relevant. Make an introduction. Send a note about something they mentioned last time. Book the lunch.

And when you reach out, sometimes you need to have a reason. “Just checking in” is fine once in a while. A better move is to reference something real. Their busy season wrapping up, a deal they were working on, a question you’ve been meaning to ask.

When you do this consistently, the relationships stop feeling transactional. You’re not calling because you need something. You’re calling because it’s been a few months and this person matters to you. People feel that. And they remember it when someone asks them if they know a good accountant, attorney or advisor.

Everything we’ve covered in these columns – calling your clients, developing your referral sources, knowing who you’re looking for, having better conversations—generates good meetings. How you manage them makes sure you are staying relevant.

The meeting matters. What you do in the 12 months after the meeting matters more.

Neil Barrow is the founder of EnabledBD, helping professional services firms get business development cooking, and host of  I Hope This Email Finds You Well,

a business development podcast.

Learn more at enabledbd.com.